


things we lost in the fire.

by iammadeofmemories



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Sad Ending, actually just angst, im so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-13 16:07:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28906119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iammadeofmemories/pseuds/iammadeofmemories
Summary: It’s November 9th, 1981. The full moon is in two days, James and Lily Potter have been murdered by the Dark Lord, Peter Pettigrew has been blown to pieces, Sirius Black is in Azkaban and Remus Lupin finds an engagement ring.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 54





	things we lost in the fire.

**Author's Note:**

> This is technically a sequel to "i'll see you in the future (when we're older)" prompted by this comment: 
> 
> _Okay but like... Remus finding the ring. Just thinking about that literally makes my heart break_
> 
> You don't have to read it first to understand this, I don't think (but if you did it would make me really happy so, consider it?), but the general gist of it is that Sirius planned to propose to Remus before everything went to shit, and this is Remus finding the ring just a couple of days after Sirius is sent to Azkaban.
> 
> This is probably really sad but, umm, enjoy?

Remus Lupin is a man quite familiarised with pain. 

He feels it in the scars that make a map all around his body: in the newer ones that are still angry and red and bleed if he doesn’t treat them carefully; in the older ones that he has memorised since he was seven, the pain that accompanies them almost dull, but still present. 

He feels it every time the moon is near to complete her circle, in the way his bones stretch and bend and _break_ to let the Wolf out; he feels it in his throat, sore and aching after the Wolf has grown tired of howling into the night. 

Yes, Remus knows what it is like to hurt, has stared at its ugly face enough times to almost, _almost_ , welcome it like an old friend.

But this, nothing could have ever prepared him for _this_. 

For the first time in his life, pain has left him numb to everything else: he feels an irritating pulse beating in his temples, absolute exhaustion in his bones, a tearing ache in his heart every time he dares to start thinking about the situation at hand. 

So he just doesn’t. He moves around the Ministry on autopilot, and he doesn’t think of James’ laugh and Lily’s eyes; he ignores the cheers and celebrations around him, and he doesn’t think of having to put three of his best friends on the ground, doesn’t think of the one that put them there; he answers their questions methodically, willingly, and Remus Lupin doesn’t think of anything at all. 

Until the last question. 

_What was the nature of your relationship with Mr. Black?_

A thousand different words run through Remus’ mind: strangers, classmates, roommates, confidants, partners, Marauders, secret keepers, lovers, enemies… Each of them revealing too much, each of them an invisible dagger in his chest. 

_We were friends_ , is what he ends up answering, the understatement almost making him laugh. The word falls too short for everything he and Sirius were. _The four of us._

The witch questioning him doesn’t press, even though part of him wishes she would, if only so the words could stop clawing at his throat. 

In the end, it’s Albus’ support that finally convinces the Ministry’s officials to let him go. _Mr. Lupin has had a difficult time_ , he says, a hand on Remus’ shoulder, a knowing twinkle in his eye. Albus Dumbledore has always known too much for his own good. _He deserves to go home and rest._

At that, Remus has to use every ounce of self-control he has left to not punch the old headmaster in the face. 

He leaves, Apparates back to (their) his flat.

Sirius’ shadow haunts him at every corner the moment he opens the door: the leather jacket he left on the sofa, a new pack of cigarettes carelessly left on the living room table, the faint prints of motorcycle boots leading to the kitchen, the door left ajar of their bedroom, that still smells so like _him_ it nearly sends Remus down on his back. 

He shuts the door, making himself fully enter the place; his plan is to go to the kitchen, make himself a cup of tea with Dreamless Potion and succumb to sleep for a couple of hours at least. And just, try. Try to forget. Forget he is there, forget he is the only one left. 

He trips just before reaching the kitchen, an old bag Sirius used to keep his auror training papers in on his way. 

Remus is not sure how it happens, but suddenly he has thrown the bag all the way across the room. He uses an _Incendio_ to light the pack of cigarettes on fire; he slams closed the door of their bedroom, breath ragged and ignored tears in his eyes.

His gaze focuses on the leather jacket again; he picks it up, not sure of what he plans to do with it, when something, shiny and small, falls from it. Against his better judgement, Remus picks it up. 

It 's a ring. 

A simple silver band, the tiniest of gems right in the middle of it. Remus turns it around in his hand, unable to really process what he is seeing. Why would Sirius have a ring this nice in his pocket?

Something written inside it catches his eye: wrapped around the inside of the band, three words shine, change, move, always interlaced with each other. 

The ring falls from his hands. 

_Moon & Stars. Moony & Padfoot._

A memory, almost forgotten in the middle of so much chaos, makes its way to the front of Remus’ mind.

 _Remus is laughing so much his stomach hurts. James has just finished telling a story they all have heard more times than they can count, and yet they still laugh as if it were the first time._

_They are all there, the five of them, something that has become quite rare in the last few months. This will be the last time before Remus goes to try and convince the werewolves to join their side._

_He shakes his head, refusing to think too much on the matter. The time for thinking and planning and strategizing will come but, for now, he is happy just watching his friends: bright, beautiful Lily, with baby Harry on her lap, while Peter does funny faces that make both mother and son laugh._

_He catches bits and pieces of James’ and Sirius’ conversation; from what he gets, James is trying to convince him of doing something as soon as possible. He tunes them out; he knows they will tell him if it’s something important._

_Suddenly, a weight drops besides him, and Sirius interlaces his hand with Remus’ own, his other hand still in his pocket._

_“Hey Moony,” he whispers in his ear. “I want to ask you something.”_

_Remus arches an eyebrow. “Go on.”_

_Sirius smiles, but he is nervous, Remus can tell. He places a hand on his boyfriend’s leg, trying to calm him down._

_Sirius seems to be deciding something, and Remus patiently waits while he reaches a conclusion. When he does, he shakes his head, and steals a kiss from Remus' mouth._

_He responds in kind, but curiosity makes him break it off and ask, “What is it you want to ask me?”_

_“Not yet,” Sirius kisses him again. “But soon, I promise.”_

_“Alright, knock it off you two.” Peter’s voice makes him turn away from Sirius’ eyes. “Some of us are still single, here.”_

_“Actually, it’s only you now Wormtail,” Sirius answers back, right on time for a cushion to be thrown at his face._

_Remus just starts laughing again._

The memory fades away as fast as it appeared, and Remus now knows for sure what Sirius wanted to ask him. What he never got the chance to. 

He’s better off this way, he knows, and yet still he finds himself picking up the ring, staring at it; maybe if he stares for long enough its meaning will be erased from his mind. 

Remus hugs the jacket closer to his chest, his right hand closed into a fist around the ring, so tightly he can feel the bite of the metal in his palm. His body shakes, tears flow from his eyes and, for the first time ever, Remus Lupin wishes for the full moon. 

Maybe she will make him forget. Maybe she will finally take him away. 

After all, why would he want to stay?

**Author's Note:**

> If you made it to here, thank you so much! If you liked it, consider leaving kudos or comments, or both!
> 
> find me at tumblr: goldenachilles


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